Anger is a normal feeling, but if you don’t control it, it can hurt relationships, make it hard to make decisions, and make you feel emotionally disconnected. Some people try to hide or ignore their anger, but others may act on impulse and say things they later wish they hadn’t. A lack of knowledge and rules is often at the heart of both of these problems. This is where being mindful comes in handy.
Being present means paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations without judging them. This is what mindfulness is all about. When used with anger and relationships, mindfulness is a powerful set of tools that can help people respond thoughtfully instead of acting without thinking. Hershel Korngut is an expert in emotional wellness who has seen firsthand how mindfulness-based practices can help people who are having trouble controlling their emotions and getting along with others make changes that last.
With the help of useful tools and psychological insights, this article talks about how mindfulness can help you control your anger and build healthier, closer relationships.
The Link Between Anger and Awareness
A lot of the time, anger is a warning sign. It means someone crossed a line or their needs aren’t being met. But a lot of people either don’t show any anger at all (because they are afraid or feel guilty) or let it boil over and get out of hand. Neither answer is really helpful.
Mindfulness gives you room to breathe. Mindfulness lets you stop, notice, and figure out what’s really going on instead of letting your feelings take over. This is the area between a stimulus and your response. Viktor Frankl once said, “This is where your power lies.”
Hershel Korngut stresses how important it is to know yourself before you can learn how to control your anger. He helps people figure out what their anger is really about, like fear, nervousness, grief, or standards not being met. When clients are aware of these inner feelings, they learn to act from a place of clarity instead of chaos.
Mindfulness Techniques That Calm the Nervous System
The body goes into a “fight or flight” state when it gets angry. The heart rate goes up, breathing gets shallow, and muscles tense up. The parasympathetic nervous system, which calms the body and restores balance, is activated by mindfulness, which helps stop that process.
Some good ways to practice mindfulness are:
Awareness of Breath: Focusing on your breath for a short time can help slow down your heart rate and calm you down. When you’re really angry, the 4-7-8 technique (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8) works really well.
Body scanning: Paying attention to the places in your body where you hold tension, like tense shoulders, a clenched jaw, or stomach pain, can help you let it go before it gets too much.
Naming Your Emotions: Saying things like “I’m angry” or “I’m hurt” activates the prefrontal cortex of your brain, which is linked to rational thinking and solving problems.
These exercises are something that Hershel Korngut often does with his clients to help them get back on their feet emotionally. He thinks that being mindful isn’t about getting rid of anger but about learning how to use it healthily.
Strengthening Communication Through Mindfulness
A lot of problems in relationships are caused by bad speech, not by what we say but by how we say it. When you’re angry, it’s simple to blame, accuse, or shut down. Mindfulness teaches us to pay close attention, speak clearly, and stay in the present moment, even when things get tough.
Mindfulness training in relationships helps people learn to:
- Pause before responding
- Notice triggers without acting on them immediately
- Reflect on their partner’s perspective
- Express needs clearly and respectfully
He teaches couples how to communicate more mindfully through techniques like reflective listening, giving feedback without being defensive, and validating each other’s feelings. These techniques help lower anger and increase emotional safety, which is an important part of any healthy relationship.
Emotional Regulation and Long-Term Benefits
Emotional dysregulation is one of the hardest things for people who are angry. They might not feel angry about what’s going on; instead, they might feel overwhelmed, helpless, or emotionally taken over. In the long run, this can hurt your self-esteem and put a strain on even the strongest relationships.
Mindfulness is a long-term fix because it trains the brain to react more calmly. Researchers have found that regular mindfulness practice makes more gray matter in the parts of the brain that control emotions, make decisions, and show empathy.
This understanding is part of Hershel Korngut’s coaching model. He tells his clients that controlling their emotions is not a quick fix but something they should do every day, like brushing their teeth, but for their emotions. Regular mindfulness practice is good for your mental health in the same way that regular exercise is good for your body.
Real-Life Applications: What It Looks Like in Practice
When you get home from work, your partner may not have done something they said they would. You’re mad. Someone who isn’t paying attention might lash out and say, “You never do what you say you will!” This makes people defensive, tense, and emotionally distant.
A thoughtful answer could look like this:
- You take a break. You stop and take a deep breath.
- Not only do you see the anger, but you also see the disappointment.
- “That makes me so mad because I was counting on that,” you say. Could we talk about it?”
Not only does this change stop a fight, it also builds trust, understanding, and the chance for deep conversation. It’s not important to be ideal. It’s about being there.
The Hershel Korngut Approach
His work stands out because of how practical and caring he is. He has worked with emotional health for a long time and helps people go from being emotionally reactive to emotionally resilient. His work blends mindfulness practices that have been shown to work by science with teaching methods that are tailored to each person’s mental and relationship patterns.
He helps his clients build healthy emotional habits, especially when it comes to controlling their anger and communicating better, through workshops, one-on-one sessions, and online resources.
Conclusion: A New Way to Experience Anger
Being mindful doesn’t mean you won’t get angry; it just means you won’t let it control you. You start to notice what’s going on inside you without getting too overwhelmed as you practice regularly. You think about things more and react less. Your relationships get better. Your talking gets softer. You trust yourself more.
Mindfulness has been shown to help people who are having problems with outbursts of anger, communication problems, or emotional disconnect. You don’t have to go that path alone if you have help from experts like Hershel Korngut.
