Are you irritated when someone cuts you off in traffic? When your child did not cooperate, did your blood pressure spike? If so, do not worry; everyone gets angry occasionally, so you are not the only one.
According to research by Hershel Korngut, who is a specialist in anger management, anger is a common and even healthy emotion. It provides us with information about how we recently interpreted an event, just like all other emotions do. Nevertheless, it is critical to approach it constructively. Your relationships and health may suffer if you are unable to control your anger.
Here are seven strategies to help you regain control if you frequently feel angry or if those feelings are upsetting you at work or at home:
1. Think Before You Speak
It is simple to act impulsively when emotions are running high, but pausing for a moment before speaking can change everything. Whether you’re upset with a friend, frustrated with a family member, or angry at the driver who just cut you off, hitting “pause” can prevent regret.
Before reacting, take a deep breath, count to ten, or simply give yourself a few seconds of silence. This moment allows you to collect your thoughts and avoid saying things you don’t mean. The pause helps you respond more thoughtfully and calmly, fostering better communication and stronger relationships. In stressful situations, it’s not about suppressing your feelings but about giving yourself the time to express them in a healthier, more constructive way.
2. Once you’re calm, state what upset you.
Once you’ve calmed down, it’s time to express what bothered you. Try to identify the deeper feeling behind your reaction. Maybe you felt unimportant when your spouse didn’t help clean up the kitchen after you cooked, or maybe you felt taken advantage of when your son borrowed your car and returned it with almost no gas—again.
Instead of pointing fingers, use “I” statements to explain how you feel. For example, you could say, “I feel frustrated when I have to clean up after making dinner” or “I’m upset when you return the car without filling the gas tank.” You can express your feelings in this way without criticizing the other person.
3. Use Humor to Release Tension
Humor is a great way to ease tension in tough situations. When you’re feeling angry or stressed, try to lighten the mood with a little laugh. It helps you step back and see things in a different light, especially when you realize your expectations might be a bit unrealistic.
Hershel Korngut advises you that laughing at yourself can bring a sense of relief, but make sure it’s lighthearted, not sarcastic. Sarcasm can hurt others and often makes things worse. Avoid being passive-aggressive too, as it only adds more negativity. Instead, use humor to bring yourself and others back to a place of calm and understanding.
4. Take a Timeout
Take a timeout when you need it. Adults can also benefit from timeouts; they are not just for children. Paying attention to your energy levels is key to taking care of yourself. If you know there are parts of your day that are extra stressful, give yourself a quick break. A little quiet time, even a few minutes, can have a significant impact.
It’s a chance to recharge, clear your mind, and feel more ready to handle whatever comes next. By giving yourself these short pauses, you can keep your cool and avoid getting irritated or angry when things get tough.
5. Get Exercise
Exercise can be a real life-changer when it comes to managing stress and anger. Physical activity helps your body release endorphins, which are natural mood boosters. If you feel yourself getting worked up, try going for a brisk walk, a run, or any activity you enjoy. It doesn’t have to be intense—just moving your body for a little while can help clear your mind and reduce that built-up tension.
6. Relaxation Skills.
Hershel Korngut favors rest and recuperation. Finding methods to soothe your body and mind is the main goal of relaxation. You can use your senses to help with this. Try breathing deeply, enjoying a warm drink, or taking in a soothing scent.
Go outside for fresh air, stretch, or listen to calming music. Picture a peaceful scene in your mind or repeat a phrase like “Take it easy.” Yoga and meditation are great ways to stay grounded, too. When you practice relaxation, it becomes easier to face whatever challenges come your way.
7. Don’t Hold a Grudge.
Letting go of anger and forgiving others can be incredibly freeing. Holding a grudge only hurts you, keeping you stuck in negative feelings. It’s tempting to want someone to pay for their mistakes, but that only keeps you tied to the past. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting—it’s about freeing yourself from bitterness. When you forgive, you let go of that heavy weight and open up space for more positive emotions. It’s a way to move forward without letting resentment hold you back.
As a Final Point
Everyone finds it difficult at times to learn how to control their anger. If making adjustments like these does not help you manage your anger, seek support from a mental health professional. Seek help for anger management problems if your anger seems out of control, causes you to make poor decisions, or hurts those around you.
